CAROLYN HAX

ADVICE WITH ATTITUDE & A GROUNDED

Dear Carolyn: When my husband died in 2017, I found out how friends of many years suddenly avoid widows.

I sold our home and, until I could retire to a resort location near my good friend, moved in with an acquaintance who had a room for rent. My landlady is not easy to live with — she’s sloppy, and constantly “borrows” my food without asking and takes days to replace it. I’ve asked her to stop but she doesn’t.

My company merged last year and put extra work on those of us who were kept. My boss also has been heavily relying on me since other people in the group are slacking off due to difficulties working from home. When I complain, all I get are platitudes. Lately the only thing that cheers me up is the idea of just disappearing. I have money to retire and there’s a perfect house on the market in my retirement town. I plan to file my resignation late one Friday when I’m the last one online. I can leave two months’ rent (we agreed on 60 days’ notice) and just take off early Saturday for my friend’s place. I’ll call my daughter on the way but leave no information for anyone else.

Neither my boss nor my landlady has earned more consideration. I’m so looking forward to pulling this off. Is there any reason not to? — Want To Disappear

Dear Want To Disappear: Apparently not, but I don’t see why you can’t give regular notice. Why burn bridges for the sake of it?

Jump on that “perfect” house immediately, though, if it’s really what you want. Readers’ thoughts:

“Flippin’ people off like that feels great for about a day. Then, the thrill fades. You’ve been living with this landlady for three years, and now you do something drastic? Maybe your boss is in a tough spot too. Call your daughter on the way? Seems like you are looking for drama, but if you give everyone proper notice you won’t regret it later. You want to teach everyone a lesson to not mistreat you, but don’t give them a reason to think of you as a jerk anyway. Let them miss you rather than glad to be rid of you.”

“Is there any reason you can’t give your employer two weeks’ notice of your intent to retire? You may get bored in your new location, and want to be able to list your current employer as a reference!”

Dear Carolyn: Why? Because I do not want to answer a lot of nosy questions.

As for giving notice — where’s the fun in that? I was looking to see if there was a solid reason not to do this, something I hadn’t considered, but being “careful” or “respectful” doesn’t cut it. Why did my husband and I save and invest if I can’t just this once do something a little crazy?

— Want To Disappear Again

Dear Want To Disappear Again: “Respectful” always cuts it. Sorry to be a buzzkill. You save and invest to retire to your perfect house in the perfect resort town. No need to flip anyone off on the way.

Re: Disappearing Widow: I guess the best reason is, “Why be a [glass bowl] when you don’t have to be?” Aren’t there enough in the world?

One would think.